Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Three years

You know the saying "Time flies when you're having fun?" Well, in many ways the last thing I would call the last three years has been fun. In fact, to call it fun would be like calling the lowest circle of hell a charming little holiday retreat on the South coast. So no, it has not been fun, and so much has happened since I even looked at this that it beggars belief. The thing is, I have wanted so much and for so long to write here about what happened, but I dare not do so. In many ways, I still can't put down exactly what I have experienced, or thought, or wanted to say because it would be wrong to do so, but I need to start writing about my experiences and issues somewhere, so it may as well be here. So let me make a simple direct statement of how things are and leave it at that, and then consider how much I can say about how I got here. A year ago I effectively had a work-related meltdown, and lost all motivation to do my job. I have struggled since that time to deal with the issues, and the causes, to a greater or lesser degree, and paid the price that struggle required. Still am paying the price, if truth be told, but that's one of the things I need ot be careful how I talk about it. Alastair is now getting ready to start his second year of an Accountancy degree at Manchester, having done a two year BTec - and he loves every second of it. I am so proud of him for that. Doreen keeps well, and enjoys her job as a LSA at a local Catholic school. Stuart plays for a local football team, and is doign his GCSEs. both boys are as tall as, or taller then Doreen and I. And me? I need to lose a lot of weight, and I still have a way to go before I even approach all right, but I'm getting there. Forgive me if I start to use this as a vehicle for my thoughts on that journey from now on.